A Child’s Crying: One of the Challenges of Parenting
Even when we know that a child is not "just being fussy" but is truly experiencing strong emotions, it can be hard to stay calm. This is especially true on days when our own energy is running on empty: things aren't going well at work, there are misunderstandings with a partner, or there is an endless pile of chores at home. In such moments, a child's tears can cause confusion, irritation, anger, or even the desire to cry along with them.
Still, a child doesn't come to us by chance. They trust us with their emotions and need support when they lose their own balance.
We have gathered some tips on how parents can restore their own inner resources and help their child calm down.
Remember why it is important to be there
To a child, parents are the closest people they turn to for safety and support. When they cry and come to us, it is a sign of trust. The presence of parents gives them the feeling: "I am not alone, I am being heard."
To honor this trust, it is vital to be in a resourceful state yourself. If you are exhausted, take care of yourself first. Take a pause, and take a few deep breaths in and out. This will help reduce tension. Offer yourself words of support: "I am strong and I can handle this."
Children pick up on the emotional state of adults, so your inner resilience is the foundation upon which the child learns to trust the world.
Put everything aside and hug your child
If the situation allows, put your phone or work on pause. The little one needs physical contact, so hold their hands or give them a hug. They will feel that you want to help.
Sometimes we want to say something to make the tears stop as quickly as possible. But such phrases often only intensify their feeling of loneliness:
- "Don't cry"
- "I'm going to cry too right now"
- "It's your own fault"
- "Everyone is going to laugh at you"
- "I'm begging you, stop whining"
- "Don't cry, or I'll punish you / won't give you something"
- "You look so ugly when you cry"
Instead, simple, calm words and a quiet tone of voice are what matter most. You can say:
- "Come here to me"
- "I am right here"
- "I love you"
This will help the child get out of their state of intense emotional tension much faster.
Acknowledge your child's feelings
It is crucial for a child to be heard. Instead of blaming them or trying to bribe them, show understanding. It is better to say:
- "I am so sorry this happened"
- "I see how much it hurts / how sad you are / how hard this is for you"
- "I understand that you are angry / scared. I get angry / scared sometimes too"
- "I'm sorry you are so upset because of... (name the reason)"
- "It is completely normal to be sad right now"
These simple words demonstrate that you are paying attention to your child's feelings and are ready to support them.
Think about how you can help
Explain to your child that it is okay to stop, calm down, and think about what to do next. Talk about how to navigate emotions so that they gradually learn to understand their own emotional state independently.
Ask what the child would like to do. If it is hard for them to decide, offer a few options: rest, talk, or play a game. Over time, they will learn to see the situation more clearly and find solutions on their own.
Every child cries sometimes, and that is completely normal. Your attentiveness and calmness help them feel accepted and learn to trust the world.